Tuesday, 23 August 2011

I'm beginning a journey......

Today I have begun a journey.....

I had my first appointment with a psychologist, I have not been in a good head space of late, I'm sad, I'm not sleeping, I'm withdrawing from my family & my friends & it is only getting worse. So I took myself off to the world's best GP & sat there & cried, then I cried some more, we talked, I unloaded, cried a bit more & then she did some test where I scored a 28, wrote me a Mental Health Plan & wrote me a referral to see a psychologist, I have depression.

I'm not surprised, when I think of the shit that I have been through over the last 3 years, the sudden & tragic death of my Mum, the contesting of her will etc. I've been tap dancing through my life these last few years trying to convince everyone around me that I am okay, here I am on top of Pandora's Box (which is my life) trying to keep the lid on as I tap away, waving my arms in the air giving the performance of my life. I was good, but I'm tired now & I need to deal with my shit.

I'm a little scared, I'm not sure where this journey will take me......it can only be good, right?

So as I sit here writing this I feel drained, I'm close to tears, but I feel positive. We will talk about a range of stuff I suppose, my feelings, my fears, my hopes, my childhood, my Mum, her death, my father, my first stepfather, my second stepfather, the fact that not one of them is in my life anymore, my husband, my marriage, my kids, my friends, all the things that make me who I am today.

I need to be kind to myself & take it day by day, because I have to believe I will get better & there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Lisa xx


  1. Good for you Lisa, therapy is the single greatest thing you can do for yourself. You've had a tonne of stuff to wade through by the sounds of it.

    Just remember that nothing is too trivial to discuss with your psych, they are paid to listen to you.

    Good Luck xxpt

  2. You will get there. And it is good. As someone who finally admitted and did the same as you are now last year I can only say how good it is in the end.

    As pt said, noting is too trivial to discuss with your phych, and they won't judge you... they are there to listen, to help and support.

    Besides, you've done the hardest bit already... you've admitted it things were not right. Hardest step ever.

    Good luck, and be kind to yourself xxx

  3. Good for you Lisa! And IMHO the signs are there that it will be a rewarding and, finally, wonderful journey. Why do I think that? a) I think you're wonderful b) you wear silly shoes (love that in a person) and c) you realise it's a journey. Godspeed and keep us up to date. xo

  4. I'm so proud of you for fronting up and acknowledging something was wrong. I'm so proud of you for acting on that acknowledgement. I'm so proud of you for having the courage to speak up and blog about what you are going through.
    Lisa, you do need to continue to be kind to yourself, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will get better.
    I'm so glad you have a ripper of a GP and I hope the psychologist meets all of your needs. If they don't, ask for another referral and take your remaining sessions elsewhere.

  5. Lisa, It's so great you embark on this experience. I'm sure it'd bring you lots of happiness and sense of fulfillment. Kudos!

  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

  8. My motto in life is "Keep walking". Never lose faith in beauty and remember that everything happens for a reason!Good luck!

  9. Life is always full of surprises - good and bad. We need to face them with dignity and deal with every obstacle. That's what makes us strong!

  10. It's been two months since your first appointment. I hope you are feeling well xxx

  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

  12. Life has both up and down moments, the latter are those who make us strong and help us appreciate happy times better!

  13. Tina, the fact that you had the guts to talk about your anxiety and actually took steps in solving it! I also would like to know how did everything go with that?