Saturday, 10 March 2012

Now we are six.....

I so love Eden's Fresh Horses Brigade this week....if there was an open mic at a birthday party 'What would you say?' Words can be so powerful and for me this says it all....

As a child I was so in love with this poem by AA Milne & I still love it today, I can see myself as that small child, standing up straight telling the world that I am now 6,and I like it!

 Now We Are Six - A.A. Milne

When I was one I had just begun
When I was two I was nearly new

When I was three I was hardly me
When I was four I was not much more

When I was five I was just alive
 Now I am six I'm as clever as clever, So I think I'll be six now, forever and ever.....

I'm now 46 and that poem still bring me joy, I think I'll be 46 now for ever and ever!

Lisa xxx

Friday, 2 March 2012

It's a sign.....

Continuing on from last week & joining the Fresh Horse Brigade, Eden has put another post out there asking about signs that Guardian Angels are amongst us & that sense that everything will be ok....

I know with absolute certainty when I can smell my Mum's perfume, Clinique's Aromatics Elixir that all will be ok. My Mum died very suddenly in 2008 from a DVT & I remember as clear as yesterday when we came home from the hospital, in the early hours of the morning, getting into bed & trying to get some fitfull sleep. As I lay there I suddenly smelt my Mum's perfume & this sense of incredible calm washed over me, I settled & managed to get some sleep. The odd thing was, I don't own any of that perfume, it was hers alone, I never wore it, it wasn't even in my house!

In the weeks & months after her death it was a very troubled & turbulent time. I was engaged in a legal battle with her then 3rd husband & we were having heated emails about who should go where on her final plaque. He wanted his daughters above me (her only child) on the plaque. It was in the early hours of the morning that I sat at the computer & wrote him a heartfelt email putting my case forward, as I sat there again I smelt very strongly my Mum's perfume. Again, that sense of calm washed over me, I knew I was doing the right thing & it would turn out ok.

There have been so many instances when I have been feelingbdown & not coping with her death at all that I smell her perfume on other women & feel that sense of calm, almost a connection to my Mum again & I find myself saying 'Hi Mum', to me all becomes right with the world & I know with absolute certainty that things are going to be ok!

Lisa xxxx

Saturday, 25 February 2012

I'm sorry.....

I have never done this before...

Today I read a post that really struck a cord with me over at Edenland's blog, a link is to the right of this post, it was about being sorry, so here goes...

I'm sorry that at times I'm not the person you want me to be.

I'm sorry that I make mistakes & struggle at times with being a wife, mother & friend.

I'm sorry that I am no longer a daughter.

I'm sorry that I can't make you happier.

I'm sorry that I never feel good enough.

Does it makes sense to say that I am not sorry for being sorry? Feeling sorry causes me pain, but that pain makes me realize I am alive & exactly where I want to be....

Lisa xxx

Monday, 30 January 2012

How can I survive Year 12.....

Well today my 17 year old is officially on the fast track to finishing school, he has a total of 26 weeks to go & between him & my husband I am already a mess!

I am stuck in the middle & I really don't know how to handle them both. Mr 17 seems unmotivated, unenthused, almost as though he just doesn't want to be there. My husband is angry, stressed & looks constantly at his apparent lack of work & has a fit!

Me, well it's not that I don't care but I value my relationship with Mr 17 & really feel that as a parent all we can do is create an environment within which he can work & study & the rest is up to him. It is ultimately his life & if he won't work then there are consequences. I have had the leaving school & get a job discussion but he wants to stay in school.

Am I wrong in my thinking, do I need an attitude adjustment?

How can I manage both my husband & Mr 17? I am very serious, I need help! My husband says he doesn't want to be seen as the ogre but he's acting like one. I am watching him push Mr 17 away & it's upsets me.

We have just had a slamming door fest here, Mr 17 has supposedly done 2 hours of maths revision, husband went to check, reckons its not enough, it's hit the fan with both of them slamming doors & Mr 17 leaving the house to go for a run....

I feel sick, and this is only the beginning.....

Lisa xx